Here’s a bit of truth for you — even the most compatible of people are bound to disagree about something. Even when these people have a lot of things in common, given enough time, an argument is bound to occur. Sometimes it can even be as simple as one person having had a bad day and being easily annoyed. The reality is that every couple is going to argue, but did you know that it’s possible to have healthy arguments?
Butting heads is, indeed, totally normal, but if the argument is to be productive, you have to be fair to one another. At Two Rivers Counseling, we offer couples counseling to help you get through the difficult times that come in your partnership. Whether it’s due to trauma, grief, or loss, you can count on Dr. Post-Holmberg to provide you with the tools you need to push forward.
That’s why in today’s post, we’ll be sharing some tips for a “successful argument.” If you find that you and your partner often get into big arguments where no progress is made, our sincere hope is that these tips will help you to work your way through it. Keep reading to learn more.
3 Tips for Having Healthy Arguments
Have Regular Conversations
One of the best ways you can avoid many of the arguments that tend to crop up in relationships is to have regular conversations with your partner. Whether that means setting aside a specific day of the week where you talk about everything you’ve been holding onto over the past seven days or it’s a nightly occurrence where you just talk through everything, regular conversations can make all the difference in the world.
It’s all too easy to hold onto our feelings for long periods of time, and then when something happens to trigger an argument, it can feel like the dam has burst. The truth is that if you can keep your significant other apprised of how you’re feeling on a regular basis, it’s much less likely that big arguments will even occur.
Keep Your Voice Lowered
It’s very easy to get worked up into a frenzy during an argument, and a common side effect is that all rational thought seems to fly out the window. This is when we find ourselves in arguments where we start yelling, and unfortunately, these tend to be the arguments where you fight so long that you sort of forget what got you started on the fight in the first place.
Indeed, if you can make it a point to not start yelling in the first place or to de-escalate a situation before it turns into yelling, you’re much more likely to have a successful argument.
Know When to Step Away
If you ever have an inclination to step back during an argument, don’t hesitate to take it. Sometimes having a little bit of space can make all the difference in the world, allowing you to process the disagreement and think about it in an environment that’s not as stressful. Having a partner who knows when to step away for a moment or two is a wonderful thing, and if it’s something you can both practice, all the better.
Of course, you’ll also want to keep in mind that you shouldn’t use this tactic as an excuse to avoid a difficult situation. It’s always going to be best to have a conversation about what caused the disagreement in the first place, and sometimes a brief interlude in your argument allows you to clear your head just enough to make that happen.
An Approach You Can Count On
Whether you call it couples counseling or marriage counseling, the truth is that if you think you should see a therapist to help you out during a difficult time in your relationship, you probably should. There are a number of reasons two people might need someone to lend them an ear and help them to work through the issues that they’re experiencing, and the good news is that if you’re looking for a marriage and family therapist in Portland, Two Rivers Counseling might just be the perfect option for you.
Dr. Jeffrey Post-Holmberg is focused on providing counseling that takes advantage of the Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy model which helps couples to process the way that they interact with one another. The end result is the encouragement of positive patterns of interaction that leave them feeling safe, desired, and loved by one another. In other words, the goal is to help couples to work through the issues that arise in their lives with one another.
Are You In Need of Couples Counseling in Portland?
Whether you decided it was time to find a therapist and you searched for “counseling near me” or you have heard good things about Two Rivers Counseling from a friend, we’re glad that you found us. No matter what you’re experiencing, sometimes the strongest partnerships are the ones in which both parties acknowledge that they could use professional help. That’s why at Two Rivers Counseling, we can approach your situation in a way that makes sense to you.
Whether you’d prefer to grab a jacket and go for a walk while we work through things or you’d feel more comfortable on some cozy furniture with your favorite beverage in hand, you’ll find that having a personalized session makes a big difference. Contact us today for a free initial 15 minute phone consultation!